Software Engineer and Manager in Train

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through

the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit

except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her

grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the

young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving

each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch

black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without

saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very


brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she

slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young

tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t

missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me,

but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He

thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance


to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same

time!”

Do You Know?

• The queen of England does not have the right to vote in any British election.


• The queen of England has two birthdays.


• The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day.


• The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Botts


• The rapid rate of expansion of gas is what gives steam its power. One volume of water, at normal atmospheric pressure and at the boiling point, yields 1,670 volume of steam.


• The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.


• The reason most mosquito bites itch is because mosquitoes inject saliva into the persons skin before they suck your blood. They take it out once they are done, but if they are forced to fly away, they don’t get a chance to draw the saliva out. And it is their saliva that causes the itch.


• The reason why the very beginning of The Wizard of Oz is black and white, is because color was not available at that point. When color was available, the writers decided to start using it in Munchkinland.



• The record for the biggest one day rainfall was set on Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean, on March 15, 1952, where 74 inches of rain fell in 24 hours.


• The record for the most weddings is held by King Mogul of Siam, who had 9000 weddings and 9000 wives.


• The red capes used to taunt bulls in bullfights is the same shade of red as the bull’s blood. That way you can’t tell it is covered with the bull’s blood by the end of the fight. Fight spectators like bullfighting, but not blood.`


• The red kangaroo of Australia can jump 27 feet in one bound.


• The red sea is not red.


• The red spot on the 7up cans comes from it’s inventor. He was an albino (albinos have red eyes).


• The regular garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.


• The Republic of Israel was established April 23, 1948.


• The revolving door was invented August 7, 1888, by Theophilus Van Kannel, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.



• The Ribbon worm will start eating itself to avoid starvation


• The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.


• The right lung is slightly larger than the left


• The right side of a boat was called the starboard side due to the fact that the astronavigators used to stand out on the plank (which was on the right side) to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port.


• The river Danube empties into the Black Sea.


• The rose family of plants, in addition to flowers, gives us apples, pears, plums, cherries, almonds, peaches and apricots.


• The rosy periwinkle plant, found in Madagascar, is used to cure leukemia.


• The rumble that is created when a Harley’s engine runs has been patented by the company


• The Russian Imperial Necklace has been loaned out by Joseff jewelers of Hollywood for 1,215 different feature films.



• The S in Harry S Truman stands for nothing.


• The safety pin was patented in 1849 by Walter Hunt. He sold the patent rights for $400.


• The Sahara Desert expands at a rate of about 1 km each month.


• The Sahara desert is larger as Europe and large then the combined areas of next largest 9 deserts.


• The Sahara Desert is over twice as big as the second largest desert in the world, The Australian Desert. The Sahara is 3.5 million square miles compared to the 1.47 million square miles of the Australian. This is “true” in the generic sense of the Autralian Desert. There is no Australian Desert. It is divided into many different deserts. What would be true would be to say the Sahara is bigger than the desert space in Australia (which is A LOT not sure how much as a percentage of the total land mass of australia).


• The sailfish can swim faster than a horse can gallop.


• The saluki is the oldest known breed of domesticated dog. Carvings of animals resembling the saluki have been found in excavations of the Sumerian Empire. They are believed to have originated from between 6,000 and 7,000 B.C.


• The salute of uniform bodies (eg. army, police) originated from knights who lifted their visors to show their face to a royalty.


• The same material that is used to make bulletproof glass is also used in Tupperware’s Rock ‘n Serve containers. The container, however, is not entirely bulletproof. Due to the lifetime warrantee on Tupperware products, the company will replace it for FREE! (Just in case you’re in quick need of a shield and a Rock ‘n Serve is the only thing handy)



• The San Diego Zoo in California has the largest collection of animals in the world.


• The sandwich is named for the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), for whom sandwiches were made so that he could stay at the gambling table without interruptions for meals.


• The Santa Maria was the only one of Columbus’s ships not to return to Spain. It hit a reef on December 5, 1492 and sank.


• The saying ‘once in a blue moon ‘ refers to the occurrence of two full moons during one calendar month. The last two occurred in January & March 1999. The next one isn’t until the end of 2001.


• The science-fiction series “Lost in Space” (set in the year 1997) premiered on CBS in 1965.


• The sea contains about 1/2 of the world’s known animal groups


• The Sea of tranquility is found on the moon.


• The SEALs have been deployed in Vietnam, Laos, Panama, Bosnia, Haiti, Somalia, and Colombia.



• The search engine “Lycos” is named for Lycosidae, the Latin name for the wolf spider family. Unlike other spiders that sit passively in their web, wolf spiders are hunters, actively stalking their prey.


• The secretary-bird swallow hen’s egg whole without breaking its shell.


• The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.” uses every letter of the alphabet!

Becham-Victoria War: Reason for the latest one..

No need to tell any thing. The Camera simply speaks for us.
























Lol..What to do..!!!!

Interesting Comparison : Men & Women

Women - Multiple process

Women's brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.

Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.






Men - Single Process

Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch
a TV and talking in phone same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can
either watch TV or talk over phone or cook.





LANGUAGE.

Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain set up. But can not find the
solutions to problems Men can not easily  learn languages; he can easily
solve the problems.

3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.








ANALYTICAL SKILL

Men's brain has lot of space for handling the analytical process. So easily he
can analyze and find the solution for a process.

He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.

If a complex map is viewed by women, she can not understand it. She can not
understand the details of the map easily.

For her it is dump of lines in a paper.








CAR DRIVING.

While driving a car, men's analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can
drive a car fastly. If he see an object at long distance, immediately his brain
classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and
driving accordingly. Where as women take a long time to recognize the object
direction/ speed. His single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any),
then concentrating only on the driving.

You can often watch, while men driving the car fastly, the women sit next to
him will shout, "GO SLOW" , "CARE FULL", "AAHHH",
"OHH GOD.."

..etc..

WOMEN ARE THE BEST DRIVERS







LIE


Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they got caught easily.

Her super natural brain observe the facial expression 70%, and the body
language 20% and the words comes from mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while
lieing.

Men's brain does not have this.

Women easily lie to men face to face.

So guys, While lieing to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the
lights or cover your/her face with blanket.

Don't lie face to face.







PROBLEM.


End of day, if men have lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the
problems and put into individual rooms of brain, the problems in individual
room of brain and finding the solution one by one. You can see many guys
looking on the sky's for a long times. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.


End of Day, if women have lot of problems, her brain can not classify the
problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person
she goes happily to bed. She does not worry abt the problem solved or not.







WANTS

Men want status, success, solutions, big process... etc Women want
relationship, friends, family...etc...







UNHAPPY


If women unhappy with their relations, she can not concentrate on work.

If men unhappy with their work, he can not concentrate on the relations.









MAP

Men can easily locate the place in a complex map. His analytical brain does
this. While watching a cricket match in a stadium with full of crowd, men can
leave his seat to T shop and keeps everything in his mind and comes back to his
seat with out problems. He uses his analytical skills space of brain.


Women can't do this. They often lost their way to their seat.






LIFE

Life is very easy to Men. One good job, one alcohol bottle is enough for him.

Women want everything in life.





SPEECH

Women use indirect languages in speech.

Geetha asked Vijay, "vijay do you like to have a cup of coffee?"

This means, Geetha really want a cup of coffee.    


In the morning......."Darling, do you think, will it be good to have an
Omlette for breakfast"

Men use direct language. "Geetha, I want to have a cup of coffee, Pls stop
the car when you see a coffee shop".

In the morning...."Darling, Can you please prepare an omelet for
breakfast".





HANDLING EMOTION

Women talk a lot without thinking, if they are in emotion.

Men act a lot with out thinking. That's why many of prisoners are men all over
the world.

 

 

Escape Rapidshare Timelimit

FOR SOME USEFUL RAPIDSHARE TRICKS READ THE FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS

RAPIDSHARE TRICKS

Here are some hints to help you more efficently use rapidshare. Skipping waiting time and bypassing download limits are rapidshare hacks that everybody should know.

RapidShare: NIC tricks and MAC cloning to bypass download limit

Rapidshare traces the users IP address to limit each user to a certain amount of downloading per day. To get around this, you need to show the rapidshare server a different IP address.

Here Are Some Methods For Doing This:

1. Short-Out the JavaScript:

1. Goto the page you want to download
2. Select FREE button
3. In the address bar put the following: javascript:alert(c=0)
4. Click OK
5. Click OK to the pop-up box
6. Enter the captcha ( Verification Code )
7. Download Your File

2. Request a new IP address from your ISP server.

Here's How To Do It In Windows:

1. Click Start
2. Click run
3. In the run box type cmd.exe and click OK
4. When the command prompt opens type the following. ENTER after each new line.
ipconfig /flushdns
ipconfig /release
ipconfig /renew
exit

5. Erase your cookies in whatever browser you are using.
6. Try the rapidshare download again.

Frequently you will be assigned a new IP address when this happens. Sometime you will, sometimes you will not. If you are on a fixed IP address, this method will not work. To be honest, I do not know how to do this in linux/unix/etc. If this works for you, you may want to save the above commands into a batch file, and just run it when you need it.

3. Use a proxy with SwitchProxy and Firefox:

1. Download and install Firefox if you have not already
2. Download and install SwitchProxy
3. Google for free proxies
4. When you hit your download limit, clean your cookies and change your proxy

4. Use an anonymous service:

Running your system through the tor network should in theory work; however, it is difficult to use and setup. Plus, you allow others to run their evil deeds through your system as well by using this system. Anonymizer 2005 is inexpensive, easy to use, but not free. Other pay services would likely work as well.

5. You can use a bookmarklet to stop your wait times:

1. Open IE
2. Right Click On This Link
3. Select Add to Favorites
4. Select Yes to the warning that the bookmark may be unsafe.
5. Name it "RapidShare No Wait"
6. Click on the Links folder (if you want to display it in your IE toolbar)
7. Click OK
8. You may need to close and reopen IE to see it
9. Goto rapidshare and click the bookmarklet when you are forced to wait

INSTRUCTIONS FOR DOWNLOADING

FOR GOOGLE VIDEOS:

* For watching Online, there is no need to download the Google Video Player. You can just watch the desired embedded video on our weblog hosted by Google.

1. To download Google videos, first you have to install the GOOGLE VIDEO PLAYER.
2. After downloading and installing the Google video player, just click on the desired Google video link to go to the hosting page and click the download link.
3. Then the Google video player captures and starts downloading the desired video.
4. Minimize the window and after a few minutes to hours depending on your internet connection speed, the player completes downloading the desired video.
5. Watch and ENJOY...

Woman Golfer

Woman Golfer




A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.


The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it !"

The woman said, "That's okay.."For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".




The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down..

..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........

The man had a heart attack ten times milder
than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.


Let them
continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Use Rubber

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children…

A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him,

"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!
The blind man replies:


"If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!"

 

Marketing Explained

A Professor at one of the IIMs
was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: "I am very rich.
"Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"



2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and
pointing at you says: "He's very rich.
"Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you
call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich.
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you
walk up to her and pour
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and
then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you
"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"

 

 

 

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says:"You are very rich!
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you
a nice hard slap on your face. -
"That's Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: "I am very
rich. Marry me!" And she
introduces you to her husband. -
"That's demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a
party. You go up to
her and before you say anything, another person come
and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she
goes with him -
"That's competition eating into your market share"



9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your
wife arrives. -
"That's restriction for entering new markets"

 

Indian way of doing things

THE INDIAN WAY OF
DOING THINGS!



Three contractors. .
. . . .one from India, another from Germany
and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House
fence.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.



The English contractor takes out a tape measure and
does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will cost $ 900- $ 400 for materials, $ 400 for labour and $ 100 profit for me."




The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $ 700 . . . .$ 300 for
materials, $300 for my crew and $ 100 profit for me."



The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring,
but leans over to the White House official and whispers: " $
2,700. "



The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"



"Easy,"
the Indian explains, "$
1,000 for you, $ 1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!"

Cannibals at IT Company

 

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

 

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

 

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating

team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."

 

Cricket @ Australia

After the test match,
some rules have to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect
clarification
 
(1)  
 Ricky
Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY
SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered
as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the
new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision
is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of
RICKY PONTING even if he is not on
the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the
importance of the FOURTH
UMPIRE.
 
(2)  

 While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball
flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN
FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered
OUT irrelevant of whether the
catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification
should be seeked from the FOURTH
UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with
SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the
teams.
 
(3)  

 While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the
ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only
(even if the catch goes to the FIFTH
SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return
to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER
WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
 
(4)  

 UMPIRES should consider a
huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player
scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge
bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

 
(5)  
 All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep
commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they
will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any
other language are to be considered as RACISM only.
 
(6)  

 MATCH
REFREE decisions will be
taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN
TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will
not be considered for hearing. MATCH
REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is
implemented.
 
(7)  
 NO
VISITING TEAM should plan to win in
AUSTRALIA .
This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
 
(8)  

 THE
MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets
RICKY PONTING - “THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER
WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET” more than twice in a series,
he will be banned for the REST OF THE
SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be
played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.
 
These rules will
clarify better to the all the teams VISITING

AUSTRALIA .