The catholic heirarchy

Hierarchy..Catholic style


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, 'My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

The second Catholic man chirps, 'My son is a bishop'.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'.


The third Catholic gent says, 'My son is a cardinal'.
When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic man chirps, 'My son is the Pope'.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'.

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the
four men give her a subtle, 'Well...?'

She replies, 'I have a daughter. She is slim, tall and 36-24-36.
When she walks into a room, people say, 'Oh God !..'

The Priest

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.


About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do.. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.

"It's worth a try," he says.

So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."

"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"

"You gave birth to a child."

"But that's impossible!"

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth..

One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"

The priest replies, "I'm your mother.The archbishop is your father."

Love Letter

*To,*
*Tintumol *
*UKG A.*

*Dear Tintumol,*

*I love you. My dream I see you. Everywhere you. You no, I live no. I
come red shirt 2morrow. You love I, you come red frock. I wait down mango
tree. You no come, i jump train. Sure come...*

*yours lovely,*
*Tintumon*
*Std 1 B

*
*
........................................................................................................................................
** *



*
Reply....by Tintumol....*

*Darling, your letter mama see. Papa beat me beat me so many beat me. I
cry. i cry. So no come to mango tree. No jump train. I love you. See
another day. I no red frock. Only green. *

*You love me, you love me you green shirt. Give I gift. I see you with
pinkumol. Where you go.. NO talk to her. Okay My dream also only you*
*

Lovely*
*Tintumol...*
------------------------------

Time to leave

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.

Finally, the bartender said, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”

The customer replied, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it’s time to go home.”

How to pay 200 Bucks

Chris goes over to his friend’s house, rings the bell, and his friend’s wife answers.

“Hi, is Tony home?”

“No, he went to the store.”

“Well, do you mind if I wait?”

“Not at all, come on in.”

They sit down and the friend says, “You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’ll give you a hundred bucks if I can just see one.”

Nora thinks about this for a second and figures ‘what the hell—a hundred bucks.’ She opens her robe and displays her left breast. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says, “They are so beautiful, I’ve just got to see both of them. I’ll give you another hundred bucks if I can just see both of them together.”

Nora thinks about this and thinks, ‘What the hell,’ opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can’t wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says “You know, your weird friend Chris came over.” Tony thinks about this for a second and says “Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?”

What You Want

A married couple is driving down the interstate at 55 mph with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he’s up to 80 mph.

She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.”

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”

The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.“

She asks, “What’s that?”

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag.”

Pretty Drunk

Nikhil bumped into his ex in the club. She said, "Sorry, I'm pretty drunk." He said, "Yeah, you're right, you are pretty when I'm drink."

What is good Marriage

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne

Its Dark Here

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy: “I have a baseball.”

Man: “That’s nice.”

Boy: “Want to buy it.”

Man: “No, thanks.”


Boy: “My dad’s outside.”

Man: “OK, how much?”

Boy: “$25.00”

The next few weeks find the boy and her mother’s lover in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”

Man: “Yes, it is.”

Boy: “I have a baseball mitt.”

The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy: “$75.00”


Man: “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.” The boy says, “I can’t, I sold them.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

Boy: “$100.00”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I’m taking you to church and making you confess.”

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth, then closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”