The case dismissed ..!

A young woman several months pregnant boarded a bus.
She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing .... ........ ....She had him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She first sat under an advertisement,Which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins' .
I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement,Which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick '.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement,Which read: ' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
And The case was dismissed... .....!!!

Mr. Jeppier from TamilNadu

I n Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier , Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more
self financing colleges, always speaks in English. Thatcollege s tudents
have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's
Spoken English"


.... Njoy ...........with his..............English..............

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great "Jappier's Spoken English"



# At the ground:

-----------------

All of you stand in a straight circle.

There is no wind in the balloon.

The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs please come
here).




# To a boy, angrily:

---------------------

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?



# While punishing students:

-----------------------

You, rotate the ground four times...

You, go and understand the tree...

You three of you stand together separately.


Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict abt this )

-----------------------

Every body should wear dress to college

Boys no proplum

Girls are pig proplum .. (pig=big)

Girls should wear only slawar no nitee.

Girls should not wear T sirt ,U shirt,V shirt.. but if you want to wear ....
remove it when inside the campus and put it oout side the campus




# Sir at his best:

---------------

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of
our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.

So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you

WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"





# Sir at his best inside the Class room:

----------------------------------------------

Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.


Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.

Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor

You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)

This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."

Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...

Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....

Take 5 cm wire of any length....




Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...




Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the
function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because
on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).



At Sathyabama college day 2002:



"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy,
tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"



At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:




"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we
arrest the police "

VERY IMPORTANT : ok enjoy this English, but dont forget your English !!

S/W Professionals...........

S/W Professionals............

class Indian_Bachelor_female_professional
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge();
char non_co_operative;
};

class Married_female_Software_Professional
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work();
char unstable;
};

class Female_Engaged_software_professional
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding();
char edgy;
};

class Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional
{
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance();
char hen_pecked;
};

class Indian_husband_wife_software_professional
{
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void lov
};
Class Guy_who_wrote_this
{
Long time_on_bench;
Void work();

}

India s Most Expensive...

India s Most Expensive

These are some of India s Most Expensive Possessions;

************

1. Petrus Wine –
Bottle cost mere Rs. 92000/-. It is served @ The Taj Mahal, Mumbai

************


2. Mortlac
Whisky, 1936 – A peg costs Rs. 24000/- & the bottle Rs. 6, 00,000/-. It is
served @ The Grand, Delhi

************


3. Wasabi,
Traditional Japanese Restaurant @ Taj Mahal, Mumbai's most expensive restaurant

& the dinner with serving of SUSHI & SASHI will cost Rs. 12000/-

************


4. Hotel
Rooms- Kohinoor Suite, The Oberoi's, Amarvil as. One Night costs only about Rs.
1.27 Lacs. Presidential Suite, The Taj Mahal,
Delhi . One Night costs only about Rs. 2.50
Lacs.

************


5. Maybach,
21 feet long car, costs a mere 6.0 Crores

************


6.
Mont Blanc Pen – The range of these pens is from a mere
Rs. 11,000 to Rs. 1.0 Lac

************


7. Napoleon
Bonaparte, range of watches starts from a around Rs. 12,000 & runs into
Crores

************


8. Most
expensive house in India

is situated very much in our own Mumbai. It is in
Maker Towers ,
Cuffe Parade and costs a Bomb of 18.0 Crores.

Some rules cannot be followed!!!

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.


"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.


She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.


I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."


"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . ..>>>”

Amazing ...Warren Buffet!!

Amazing ...Warren Buffet!!

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3. He still lives in the same small 3 bedroom house in mid-town Omaha that he bought after he got married 50 years ago.

4. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

5. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

6. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

7. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.

8. He has given his CEO's only two rules. *Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.*

9. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.

10. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

11. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

12. His advice to young people: *Stay away from credit cards* and invest in yourself

BOSS

BOSS
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two calls him boss!"

Driving Styles....

Driving Styles...

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
- Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
- Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...
- Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
- New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat
- Italy

One hand on horn,
One hand on holding gear,
One ear listening to loud music,
One ear on cell phone,
One foot on accelerator,
One foot on clutch,
Nothing on brake,
Eyes on females in the next car,
- Welcome to INDIA!!

BATHTUB TEST

BATHTUB TEST

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time,
and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should
be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"

DID YOU PASS THE TEST, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO THEIRS?
(I PASSED THE TEST!!)

Whom to Blame for world cup defeat

Whom to Blame for world cup ...Finally got the answer....!

Most of us want to forget the India's Disaster defeats in 2007 ICC World Cup.

A group of people from Bihar decided to enquire the reasons for India's early Exit.

Is it Greg Chappel ????? No

Is it rahul Dravid ??? NO NEVER... He was just an instrument.Neither he played nor he motivated the Team India.

Is it Sachin Tendulkar ??? No.. He just want to stay in TEAM.He never ever played for India in Crucial Games...
is it Zaheer Khan ???? No poor fellow....
is It it Anil Kumble.... ??? No. Even he didn't get a chance to play in crucial matches.

is it Harbhajan ??? Noo.. He is not Terminator.... He is a gift to opposite team.. Only thru him other team will get runs. Now a days he don't like to take wickets!!!

is it Yuvaraj??? No.

is it M S DHONI ??? No No.. He is from our Place .. He don't have that much DHIMAG!!!

Then Whom...........

Whom to blame for world cup ...Finally got the answer....!
Here to Blame for India's Ugly Exit from World Cup..............!

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Refreshing the history,













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Two most powerful personalities one from past history and other from recent history,











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Indira Gandhi (for creating Bangladesh)




and Hanuman....(Not destroying Lanka completely)

The Cannibal Story

The Cannibal Story
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Girls--- The SOUTH and the NORTH

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A NORTH INDIAN GIRL AS A WIFE ********IF U R A SOUTH INDIAN MAN

1. At The Time Of Marriage, A North Indian Girl Has More Boyfriends Than Her Age.

2. Before Marriage, She Looks Almost Like A Bollywood Heroine And After Marriage You Have To Go Around Her Twice To Completely Hug Her.

3. By The Time She Professes Her Undevoted Love To You, You Are Bankrupt…Because Of The Number Of Times You Had To Take Her Out To Movie Theatres And Restaurants. And, You Wait Longingly For Her Dowry.

4. The Only Dishes She Can Think Of To Cook Is Paneer Butter Masala, Aloo Sabji, Aloo Mattar, Aloo Gobi Sabji, Aloo Paneer, That After Eating All Those Aloos And Paneers You Are Either Alone In Bed With With Chronic Cholesterol Or Chronic Gas Disorder.

5. The Only Growth That You See Later In Your Career Is The Rise In Your Monthly Phone Bill.

6. You Are Blinded By Her Love That You Think That She Is A Blonde. Only Later Do You Come To Know That It Is Because Of The Mehndi She Applies To Cover Her Grey Hair.

7. When You Come Home From Office She Is Very Busy Watching "Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi" That You Either End Up Eating Out Or Start Cooking Yourself.

8. You Are A Very "Especial" Person To Her.

9. She Always Thought That Madras Is A State And Covers All Of South India Till She Met You.

10. When She Says She Is Going To "Work Out" She Means She Is Going To"Walk Out !!"

11. She Has Greater Number Of Relatives Than The Number Of People You Have In Your Home Town .

12. The Only Two Sentences In English That She Knows Are "Thank You" And "How Are You ?"

13. She Thinks Govinda Can Dance Better Than Michael Jackson.

WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A SOUTH INDIAN GIRL AS A WIFE ********IF YOU ARE A NORTH INDIAN MAN

1. Her Mother Looks Down At You Because You Didn't Study In IIT Or Madras/Anna University.

2. Her Father Starts Or Ends Every Conversation With " ... I Say..."

3. She Shudders If You Use Four Letter Words.

4. She Has Long Hair, Neatly Oiled And Braided. (The Dubai Based Oil Well Co. Will Negotite With Her On A 25 Year Contract To Extract Coconut Oil>From Her Hair).

5. She Uses The Word 'Super' As Her Only Superlative.

6. Her Name Is Another Name For A Goddess Or A Flower.

7. Her First Name Is Longer Than Your First Name, Middle Name And Surname Combined (Unless You Are From Andhra).

8. When She Mixes Milk/Curd And Rice You Are Never Sure Whether It Is For The Dog Or For Herself.

9. For Weddings, She Sports A Mini Jasmine Garden On Her Head And Wears Silk Sarees In The Madras Heat Without Looking Too Uncomfortable (Besides The Two Big Blobs Of Perspiration On Her Blouse While You Are Melting In Your Singlet.

10. She Thinks Rajnikanth Is The Sexiest Man Alive.

11. Her Favourite Cricketer Is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

12. Her Favourite Food Is Dosa Though She Has Tried North Indian Snacks Like Chats (Pronounced Like The Slang For 'Conversation').

13. She Bursts Into Songs With Her Cousins In Every Movie.

14. She Bores You By Telling You Which Raaga Each Song You Hear Is Based On.

15. You Have To Give Her Jewellery, Though She Has Already Got Plenty Of It.

16. Her Thali (Mangal Sutra) Weighs More Than The Championship Belts Worn By WWF Wrestlers.

17. She Is More Educated Than You. (This Is Really Scary !).

18. Her Father Thinks She Is Much Smarter Than You. (Double Scary…!!).

MBA & Engineer

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and
fell asleep.

Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend. " look up
at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Economically there are mass scale of stars in the sky .
So “Economy of Scale “ would be the ideal strategy in that market.

Strategically such market would be a volume driven market

Financially it would be a low margin market.

From HR point of view we would require huge manpower

What does it tell you?"

The Engineer is silent for a moment, then speaks.


”Practically”...Someone has stolen our tent".

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